it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize