i wish starbucks made bloody marys
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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