when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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