I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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