I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
