We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize