Do you still have your period?
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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