One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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