That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I made him laugh his dick is mine
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Randomize
