Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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