I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
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