It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
