Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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