life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
