I wish I could teleport
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
and she was petting her beer can
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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