Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
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