so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
You took a bar mat shot.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
