i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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