went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
