I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
My cat gives me a boner
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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