i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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