we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I think people are normalizing furries
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
