You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Randomize
