I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
