Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
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