She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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