Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
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