Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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