Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
