I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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