So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
false alarm, still single
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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