remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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