I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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