These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
