I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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