College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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