Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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