Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
