He asked me if I "almost moaned"
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
