I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
