i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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