I'm gonna have a badass scar
I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
