I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Randomize
