we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
