dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
i drank out of a bidet.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
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