mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Randomize
