I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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