This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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