why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Even my vagina gasped.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
