I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
