I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
