i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Randomize
