So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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