He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
