I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
She told me I should be a condom model.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
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