the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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