I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
