He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
