you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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