It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
we should paint friendship bongs
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
