I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
