I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize