so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
no, he came in my armpit
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Randomize
