mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
