worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
