Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
