woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
How's work?
Spinning.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Randomize
