remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
You're a waste of cheezeits
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
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