I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
