The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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