look no pants
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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