Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
