my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
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