best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
