I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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