Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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