I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Randomize
