Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
