1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Randomize