i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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