My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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