I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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