shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
