Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
