i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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