Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
