the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
