Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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