So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
false alarm. still invincible.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
We are two peas in an std pod
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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