Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Someone shit on the floor
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
