Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
