i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
