and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Someone signed my nipple.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
