I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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