woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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